My mom has never been the traditional mother who you’d find in the house doing the traditional mom roles. You would
find my mom outside in the corral feeding cows or driving a tractor in the
field or hauling buckets of grain or driving a wheat truck during harvest or
mowing for hours on the farm. The days started early and often finished late
for mom and dad.
Mom will be 81 years old in a few weeks and the last few years have been
difficult for her. She had extensive back surgery two years ago followed up with
a neck surgery and a second back surgery just days ago. Her body is failing and
the knowledge of that is taking a toll on her, both physically and mentally.
She’s carrying around a tiredness nowadays that also brings sadness to her once spunky attitude.
She tries to stay positive and keep an upbeat attitude
but it’s becoming more and more difficult for her. Pain in her bones and a
great amount of arthritis
are consuming her days now.
The changes in the abilities
to do favorite activities are dashing her hope of returning to ‘normal’. It makes me sad to watch the adjustments she’s
forced to make. She thinks of days gone by and the things she did that she’s no
longer able to manage.
It makes me somber
and heavy hearted each time I visit her and see the flicker in her eyes faded ever so slightly since my last visit.
I understand that heavy-hearted feeling when I realize too, that my mom is no longer able to carry out the day to day activities that she once did, without her body crying out physically and days after spent in pain. It's a tough realization when we think that without our input, the roles have been reversed, and now we find ourselved "mothering" out mothers.Although my mom is 72, I've noticed that day by day, she's already becoming an "old lady" in so many ways... it hurts my heart. There are times when I realize that even though my mom's alone now, and she so desperately needs companionship, that I push her needs aside as I go about my daily business. The circle of life isn't always beautiful, but it's always spinning, turning, evolving from one phase to the next.
ReplyDeleteLove you my friend!!