**

I find myself thinking of the past as I get older - the 'what ifs', the 'if onlys'. Maybe I think about the past years because there are so many of them to remember. And yet, I'm far less haunted by them than I've ever been. Maybe that is the perfect scenario; to reach a point where you don't feel victimized by the memories. 

I've reached a point in my life where I'm advocating for myself. I'm not following the path that others are so anxiously shoving me down. I'm not the predictable person that everyone has known in the past and because of that there have been situations in my life that are altering relationships, possibly forever. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone - it is scary but very freeing at the same time. 

The stagnancy of my life has changed my soul. I'm not the person I see in the reflection of the mirror. It's me that is to blame. I've allowed these things to happen but I'm also allowing the adjustments that need to take place to change the direction of my spirit. Finding myself is not a comfortable process to experience. It's hard. I'm questioning everything. I'm searching for my own laugh again. I'm learning to listen to myself regardless of what others say.  I'm learning to trust myself, something I'd nearly forgotten how to do.