I survived raising toddlers. I kept my sanity while raising teenage daughters (although I vividly remember thinking that I may not). Now I’m the parent of two grown children and a grandmother. I’ve reached “another stage” of my life. It’s easy sailing from here on out right? That’s what it says on the magazine covers posted in the checkout line at our local super center – not a care in the world.
I hate to spoil the ending for those who haven’t gotten to this chapter but there are still rough seas ahead. Believe me, there are days when I can actually feel the wind on my face as I sail into the sunset -- and then there are days when I am an all out crazy woman. Maybe it’s hormones but I don’t think so. Ok, maybe hormones play a small role in the craziness but whatever it is, it can get ugly. Quickly. Do any of these sound familiar?
* Unanswered questions
*Hurtful words I wish I could take back
*Dr. appointments – more unanswered questions
I would love to tell you that I stay calm and smile and don’t hurt the people I love the most. I would love to say that I “take the high road” in the heat of an argument and I don’t allow myself to gather emotional baggage. But there are days when my attitude in nothing short of hideous. When those ugly days take place I carry the guilt and the yucky feelings that come along with it. I vow that I will do better tomorrow. I vow I will not let my mind fall into that pit of negativity because that’s exactly where Satan wants me to be. Satan wants me to be ugly and pessimistic and gloomy so he can attack me when I’m down. And that’s when I go to God and say Lord forgive me for having an ugly attitude. I’m struggling. I need you Lord. That is when I PRAISE GOD. Praise may be the furthest thing from my mind when I’m struggling or angry or when I want answers and there simply are no answers. God always stays with me even when it would easy to walk away from my ugly attitude. Instead His grace challenges me to learn from my experience and establish a stronger understanding that HE is there for me in spite of my mess.
I can’t guarantee that my attitude will be positive all the time but I do know that each day I make better choices with my actions and my reactions. The good thing is – these ugly days are fewer and farther between. Praise the Lord!